


Winters of Grief (Prologue)

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-07
Updated: 1999-05-07
Packaged: 2018-11-11 03:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11139786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Winters of Grief (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Disclaimer: This piece of fiction has been written solely for  
the enjoyment of the readers (and the author) 

 

****

Disclaimer: This piece of fiction has been written solely for the enjoyment of the readers (and the author). No infringement of copyrights has been intended.

This vignette, supposedly the prologue to a yet unfinished Death Story (you have been warned), is also a "stand-alone" piece, as you'll soon see. 

I would like to thank DSRVBF, Jennifer Swanson, Kathy Martin, Marcie and Raa (the original members of the beta-reading panel) for providing feedback; and the members of thecloset and serge for their inputs on American trees. 

Ben and Ray live ... in this prologue, at least. 

 

WINTERS OF GRIEF

by Renny Ramos

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

****

PROLOGUE 

The Riv skirted the fringes of the field before slowing down to a full stop. Ray turned to Ben and smiled, his green eyes steeped in mischief. Silently, he stepped out into the park and slid out of his coat, tossing it into the backseat. 

"Ever climbed a tree in the good ol' Yukon, Benny?" Ray asked, as he worked on loosening his tie. 

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "Why ... yes, Ray," he answered haltingly. "But ... it's been more than twenty years. I don't think..." Ben paused and watched as the tie whizzed past him. 

Ray grasped the top edge of the Riv with his right hand. Bending slightly, he removed the sock from his left foot with his free hand. He repeated the motions in reverse: left hand on car, left leg across right thigh, remove shoe and sock. 

"Only one way to find out," Ray announced. Shoes and socks found their way into the back of the car, landing gently on the metal flooring with a soft thud. 

Ray rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and smiled. "Race you to the top, Benny. Last one up pays for dinner tonight, come on!"

Ben hesitated. "But Ray..."

But Ray was already off and running, his childlike yelps of delight filling the air. He "yoo-hoo-hooed" his way down the park, towards the tallest and thickest oak tree located smack in the middle in the field. 

"Ray, wait!" Ben called out as he got out of the car. "Oh, I don't believe you sometimes," Ben muttered as he fumbled with the buttons of his serge. He shrugged his suit off, tossing it alongside Ray's blazer. He then dropped down onto the damp grass and struggled to free his feet of his boots and socks. With a rough, careless toss, he tossed them into the car and took off after Ray. 

By the time Ben reached the foot of the tree, Ray was already perched on its thickest limb, his chest heaving slightly with the effort of running. "Oh, man, I gotta exercise more," he exclaimed. He looked down at Ben. "I win," he announced triumphantly.

Ben rested his right hand on the tree's trunk and looked up at Ray. He shook his head. "You ... you cheated," he panted, as he tried to catch his breath. "You had a head start."

"Yeah," Ray replied, grinning. The two men laughed. 

Ben continued to climb up the tree until he was just one level short of Ray's. Ray extended his hand. "Come on up," he said.

Wrapped in Ray's strong grip, Ben finally made it to a sitting position alongside his friend. He surveyed the view and sighed. "Oh," he whispered breathlessly. "Ray. It's..." 

"Wonderful, isn't it?" Ray asked.

"Yes," Ben replied.

The breeze breathed softly into his damp skin, while the lush, green leaves of the oak tree rustled gently around them. The late afternoon sun bathed everything in soft yellow, coloring the world like old sepia photographs.

Ray looked down on his feet and playfully swung his legs back and forth like a child. Ben regarded the action silently, noting the wistfulness that crossed the man's features. "Is there anything wrong, Ray?" he asked.

"No, no, nothing at all." 

Ben nodded silently. Neither of them spoke, until Ray's sigh broke the silence. He turned to Ben and smiled. "I used to do this a lot, you know." 

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. My pop..." Ray paused in mid-sentence. Ben saw the green eyes narrowing into a slight squint, a flickering reaction of pain. Ray shook his head once and shrugged before continuing. "My pop ... whenever he was in a bad mood or bombed out of his skull ... he sometimes forgot we were his kids, you know?" He brought his arms out to the side in a grand sweeping motion. "This ... became my hiding place whenever he wanted to use me as batting practice. You never had to climb a tree because of that, did you, Benny?"

Ben gazed at Ray, the revelation stunning him into silence. It took a long time before he responded. "Not for that reason, no," he said softly, shaking his head. 

"Ah. Good." Ray rubbed his left arm in soft, circular movements, soothing an imaginary bruise. "I learned how to duck, and if I failed to do that, I learned not to feel it." He bit his lower lip before he continued. "The old man never believed in dreams, he said it was stupid. He was a bum his whole life, you know? His favorite activities were drinking, passing out and playing pool. Oh, I forgot. He also enjoyed beating the crap out of his family. That was his life. With a life like that..." Ray paused and looked at Ben. "I just didn't want to be like him, you know?"

"Anyway, I had to help Ma out and work my way through school. It was difficult, but I found a way. I even graduated at the head of the class, did I ever tell you that? Anyway, my father started thinking that he's finally found some use for me in business school. I didn't want to be in business school, I wanted to be a cop! I guess I wanted to rid the streets of low-life creeps like him."

"When my acceptance letter came in the mail..." I tell you, Benny, it was the best moment of my life! I finally had a shot at making my dreams come true. So I ran and told Ma all about it, okay? I didn't even count on him being around to hear all about it. I guess I kind of forgot he still lived in our house, he was always at Finnelli's or some other bar, I don't know."

"My pop laughed at us and he said to me, 'You wanna be a fucking cop? And I thought you were supposed to be smart.'" Ray's fingers gathered into tight fists. "I know he was still my father. It was wrong somehow, but ... I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore." Ray shook his head. His voice rose slightly as he spoke. "All my life..." -- the words came, clipped, bitter and angry -- "I hid from him ... I hid from the blows. Well, I just got fed up. I finally got tired of hiding."

"What did you say to him?"

I told him, 'Yeah? Well, that's more than you'll ever get to do. You think playing pool makes you the king of the world?'"

Ben flicked his tongue lightly across his lips. His mouth felt dry. "What happened?" he managed to ask. 

"Something predictable, of course. He slapped me hard, slammed me against the wall. After that, it was more of the usual. He beat me black and blue. Oh, yeah. He also managed to crack a chair against my arm. My ma ... she tried to stop him; but he was too strong for her." He paused and laughed briefly. "My mom was thin then, not like now," he said, as an afterthought. The expression in his eyes darkened. "She was too thin then. Way too thin." 

Ray's body shifted slightly, angling itself towards Ben. "Anyway, he went after ma, but I managed to push him away. Good thing I succeeded in warding him off. Thank God for that good old adrenaline rush, huh? I got hold of one of his beer bottles and cracked it against our dinner table. I told him..." and Ray's voice quivered slightly with emotion "... I'd kill him ... if he ever hurt Ma. Good thing he backed off. I might have killed him, he might have killed me, I don't know. Took me a while before I could get out the house. I was bedridden for days. I guess we were just frightened or stupid, but anyway, we didn't report the incident. We had a relative take care of the bruises." Ray closed his eyes and forced out a laugh.

"It's ironic, isn't it? The thing you want to forget the most is the one you can't forget. So, anyway ... I followed my dreams. Only I find out that dreaming isn't easy. Did you ever have a dream, Benny?"

Ben sighed. "Dream?" He crossed his arms against his chest. "Oh, I don't know. I wanted to be a world famous hockey star once. I even had a bet with Mark ... the one who makes it big gets to pay. One Canadian dollar."

"Mark ... Mark Smithbauer? Oh, yeah. I remember. Your hockey-playing buddy. So, what happened?"

"What?"

"How come you're a Mountie instead of some bigshot endorser for a Nike commercial?

Ben rested his hands against his belly. "I just ... let real life take over, I suppose. I couldn't break the Fraser tradition. My father was a Mountie, and so was my grandfather and ... well, I guess you have an idea." He sighed. "I guess ... I just hid from my dreams. Not like you."

Ray nodded silently. 

"Did you ever regret your decision?"

"Sometimes I do. You learn to live with your choices."

"Frannie ... she once told me that people who stop dreaming grow old, get alone and die." Ray laughed, though his eyes remained sad. "Ah, Benny ... sometimes I feel so old and I get this sickening fear that I'm turning into what she said. All I want is to make a difference, you know. Have a family, be a good cop. So far, I've screwed up my dreams. You know I lost Angie ... and now ... I don't know if I'm a good cop ..."

"You are a good cop, Ray."

Ray smiled warmly. "Thanks, Benny." He reached across and rested his hand on Ben's. He then looked away, towards the sky. "Great sunset, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"You ever had a girlfriend before Victo... hey, you're blushing! Well, I'll be!" Ray laughed.

"Ray..."

"So tell me. Was there anybody before..."

"No," Ben replied, sheepishly. 

"But I bet a lot of girls threw themselves at you."

"Ray, it's not chivalrous to... "

"Uh-hoh! So you were a heartbreaker as a kid! I knew that."

"You never went tree-climbing with any special lady?"

"Not really, no. Though I did climb up a tree because ... oh, never mind."

"What?"

"Forget I even said something."

"Benny, I don't think the birds in this tree will squeal on you. So tell me already!"

Ben sighed. "Well, I was fourteen then..."

"And?"

"There was this girl..."

"Yeah?"

"She wasn't really what I had in mind as a girlfriend."

"So what happened?"

"I hid."

"Hid."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you just blow her off?"

"I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

"So you hid."

"Oh, yes. Up a tree."

"Up a tree. You mean, she chased you all the way up a tree?"

Ben kept silent. He looked at his hands.

"Her crush on me wore off sooner than the bites did."

"Whoa, wait a minute! What bites?"

"Red ants. Well, I went up the tree and ... they were just there."

"Ah. Okay," Ray said, a bland expression on his face. He pointed at Ben's lap. "Oh, lookie, Benny. Red ants." He chuckled, as Ben reacted in surprise. "Gotcha!"

"Ray..."

The two men laughed. 

"It's getting dark," Ray said. "I wish we could stay longer. It is nice up here."

"Yes," Ben replied.

"We can come back anytime, Ray."

"Yeah. How about tomorrow, Benny? Pick you up in the afternoon, after your shift."

"Okay."

They climbed down the tree. 

"Oh, man, Benny. I really gotta exercise more."

"So, I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, Ray. Oh, and Ray?"

"Yeah, Benny?"

"Tomorrow, I get to pick where we'll eat for dinner."

"Sure, Benny."

On their way to the car, Ray reached out and gripped Ben's arm. "Hey." 

Ben turned to face him. "Yes?"

Ray handed him a big, green leaf. "Here, " he said with a smile. "Don't let me catch you saying I let you climb that tree without giving you anything."

"Well, if you tell me you'll pay for dinner..."

"Just get in the car, Fraser."

\- The End -

 

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